most people are afraid to ask honest questions or give honest answers, some are afraid to be honest with themselves. and while i understand the truth isn't always the easiest thing, i believe it is the mark of true character, and always the best option.
i recently encountered a situation where knowing the truth earlier would have saved me a lot of time and heartache, and it gave me a new-found appreciation for honesty. i'm hoping others can learn what not to do from my experience.
long-term relationships are difficult to end, and i can appreciate wanting to make it as clean and swift a break as possible once it's over. in this particular case, we'd spent 2 years together and our relationship was strong. at least i thought so. we didn't fight, we had a great time together, we laughed often, we were very close. so when he told me one july night that he thought we needed to break up, i was completely blindsided, and i wondered for months what had happened. he gave no explanation. he just said he didn't didn't know why, that i didn't deserve this, that he was sorry, and then he walked away. i did my best to stay busy and move on, but there was always part of me that endlessly wondered and needed an answer. we were happy...so why did he walk away?
the answer i'd been waiting for finally came - via facebook, of course. i saw he was listed in a new relationship...with one of his good friends from college. a girl i had gotten to know quite well while we dated. i was never suspicious at the time. i never had any reason not to trust him. but looking back on how everything went down at the end of our relationship, it makes total sense. he just couldn't bring himself to tell me about her. he had been up to visit her over the weekend, and the next week he acted very strangely, picking fights and being distant. then the following, week he ended it.
my point isn't that i was blindsided or heartbroken, or even that he's now found happiness with someone else. i understand that it doesn't always work out, and that relationships are a two-way street you can't always control. my point instead is that he chose not to be honest with me about why he was ending it. he didn't have the decency to tell me he was confused, or that he had feelings for someone else. instead he took the easy way out, possibly believing he was saving me the pain of knowing the truth, and he just walked away.
after 6 months of wondering, as soon as i saw him listed in that relationship, i put the pieces together regarding what really happened, and i could finally close that door. all i needed was the truth. and i wish that after all the time we spent together he would have given me the tiny, decent gift of honesty. sure, it would have sucked. yes, i would have cried. yes, i would have been angry. but it sucked nonetheless, and my sadness probably carried on longer than necessary because i spent so much time wondering. if i would have known about the situation earlier, it would have made moving on so much easier. and if anything, he owed me that.
after all of it though, i'm finally free. that chapter is concluded. the point is just this: suck it up and tell the truth. if not for you, then out of respect for those around you. sure, it's not easy in the moment, but guess what? life isn't always easy. and your character is determined by how you act in difficult situations. loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness...these aren't easy traits to obtain. by confronting the tough situations, that's where your moral fiber is developed and put to the test. in the end, the truth is the only path. if it's going to hurt, it's still better to be up front. if we owe anything to this existence, it's honesty.
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